


My Promise Is Your Nightmare

by 1andonlyeddie



Category: Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 01:27:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6174815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1andonlyeddie/pseuds/1andonlyeddie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Howell once had a girlfriend who he broke up with after he fell in love with Phil. Six years later Dan still hasn't told Phil how he really feels. But then the nightmares begin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first phanfic so I hope you like it.

It started with a nightmare.

Now at first I didn't think it was a big deal; just a bad dream that woke me up at 3 in the morning, sweating and breathing heavily. The first night I was fast asleep again within 30 minutes but then when it happened the second night, I started getting a little freaked out. The same nightmares two nights in row could not be a coincidence. But I still didn't think too much about it. But then when it happened the third night, the fourth night and then the fifth night I stayed awake for hours, shaking, as the nightmare repeated itself over and over in my head.

I kept seeing her. Emily. The girl who loved me but I couldn't love her back. The night she told me how much she loved me was the night I broke her heart and told her we couldn't be together. I didn't tell her why, but eventually she figured out that I had fallen in love with someone else. She called me horrible names and said she wouldn't stop until I felt the pain that she felt. I never saw her again.

I moved on with my life though. After I met Phil, I started Youtube, I moved to London. To be honest her name never floated into my mind for seven years. Until the nightmares began. I kept seeing her face. Her deep brown eyes that I once knew were now black holes. Fire was surrounding her as she walked toward me repeating the same promise she made all those years ago. "I promise I won't stop until I take everything from you."

My everything was Phil. And in those dreams, she kills him.

After she says those words she turns around and suddenly he's there behind her. He is on the ground shaking with cuts and bruises all over his body and I don't even know how he got them. He looks up at Emily as she walks over to him and pulls out a knife. I see his blue eyes look up at her with fear and then without a pause she stabs him right in the heart.

I wake up after that part. I am sweating all over and shaking uncontrollably. For the next few hours I lie there trying to get my body to calm down but my heart's still racing faster and faster. This has now happened five nights in a row. I'm starting to get really scared.

On the fifth night I woke up screaming. Nearly three long seconds later Phil came barging in.

"Dan are you okay?" he asked as he stood in the doorway. I couldn't look at him after what I kept seeing so I just nodded. But I was still shaking and holding back a few tears so I don't think he bought it. Phil came further into the room.

"Are you sure? Did you have a nightmare?" His voice sounded like he was very worried but I still couldn't look at him so I just shook my head again. He then walked over and sat on the edge of bed next to me. I just stared straight ahead.

"Dan you are starting to worry me, are you okay?" Phil sounded desperate. I still couldn't look at him. "Dan!" he reached out and turned my head so my eyes met his. His eyes were so blue I nearly forgot about everything when I was looking at them. "Dan!" Phil snapped me out of my trance. I blinked a few times and looked away shaking my head.

"Dan you are really scaring me, what's wrong?" Phil's face looked so sad I almost wanted to tell him what was wrong. But instead I just said,

"I just had a bad dream that's all."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head. "It's too scary, I don't want to talk about it."

"Are you sure? Sometimes talking helps."

Talking will never help me get over the fact that Phil has now died in my dreams five nights in a row. I suddenly started crying.

"Dan it's okay, it was just a nightmare," Phil put his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. At that moment I just wanted to freeze time so I could stay in his arms forever. But I just cried. I just cried instead of telling Phil how I really felt about him.

For the next few minutes I just cried into Phil's shoulder while he rubbed my back and whispered comforting words. After that he pulled away and cupped my face in his hands.

"Would you like me to stay with you until you fall asleep?" he asked. I nodded. I laid back down and he pulled the covers up to my chin. He held my hand for the next ten minutes as I closed my eyes and tried to push the nightmare out of my head. Just as I was about to drift off to sleep I felt Phil's hand leave mine and heard soft footsteps leaving the room and then the door shut. My hand closed around air and I suddenly realized how much I wished that he was still here. A few more tears escaped from my eyes as the nightmare returned to my head. Phil was the reason I left Emily. What if she blamed him? What if she decides to kill my best friend and secret love just to fulfill the promise she made six years ago?

"It was just a dream, it was just a dream," I kept thinking.

Then why did the thought of it terrify me so much?


	2. Chapter 2

So if you have a nightmare while you are asleep five nights in a row, it starts to affect the things you do when you are awake. For me, I was affected worse then when I have an existential crisis. Unless you count this as an existential crisis. But no matter what you call it, the after effects are horrible. 

I don’t think Phil noticed that I started spending more and more time in my room and less time playing video games or watching anime with him. Whenever I came out I tried not to act suspicious so I would ask him what he was doing, how he was feeling, and then I would grab an apple and head back to my room. And the worst part is that I don’t even do anything in my room. I literally just lay on my bed letting the nightmare replay itself over and over in my head. I don’t go on Netflix, or Youtube or Tumblr, hell I don’t even touch my computer! I’m too depressed to do anything. 

My fans are really worried. I haven’t tweeted or posted a video or anything. And since it was Monday, I had to do my liveshow tomorrow and I really wasn’t ready to face millions of people. Live. Now if this was just a regular video, I don’t have to worry about bursting into tears or trying to hide my secrets, but since this is live I won’t be able to hide anything. I don’t think I could do it. Now I know I could say that I’m too busy and I can’t do the liveshow, but then Phil will wonder why and he knows when I’m lying or depressed so he could just see right through me. 

Phil. To be honest he was on my mind more than the actual events of the nightmare. I had loved him for so many years now, and I still hadn’t told him. Or anyone. I had kept all my feelings and thoughts in my head and I’m surprised my brain hasn’t exploded yet. So many times I just wanted to cuddle with him on the couch while watching TV and forget about my nightmares, but every time I looked at Phil they came back. I longed for him to hold me and comfort me but he would ask questions. And I couldn’t tell him. 

I couldn’t lose Phil. Even if we will never be lovers, he is still my best friend. My only true friend to be honest. And I couldn’t lose him. My world would fall apart. I would fall apart. And I actually would kill myself if he died. Because I couldn’t bear to live without him.

My thought were interrupted by the creaking of my door opening. I sat up in my bed as light fled into my dark room and hurt my eyes. 

“Close the door,” I moaned, knowing it was Phil and fell back down into my pillows. 

He didn’t leave. Instead he walked over and sat on my bed again. I was getting tired of this. 

“Dan, do you honestly think I don’t know when you’re depressed or sad?” Phil asked with a hint of worry in his voice. I looked up at him. “You’ve been in here for four days. You don’t eat, you don’t post, you barely say a word to me and you just lie here alone in the dark! I thought that this was just temporary and you would be back to normal in a few days but it’s been almost a week!” Even though it was dark I could see that his eyes were getting watery.  _ No don’t cry Phil please, I can’t bare to see you cry.  _

“And then you have nightmares where you wake up screaming but you won’t tell me about them. I’m worried Dan, I’m scared. I don’t want you to be like this forever, so please just tell me what’s wrong!” Phil started to cry even more. 

“Why are you crying?” I asked. 

“Because I should have noticed sooner. I should have tried to talk to you earlier but I just thought that you would figure it out on your own. I’m a terrible friend, I should have realized that you weren’t yourself and tried to comfort you but I didn’t and I’m so sorry.” 

I sat there in silence as Phil just cried right in front of me and some of his tears fell on my face.  _ No Phil it’s not your fault I swear. Please don’t blame yourself.  _ But instead of saying that I just sat up in bed and threw my arms around him. I held on to him tightly as a few more tears escaped his blue eyes and onto my shoulder. He wasn’t the one having nightmares about his best friend dying and yet he was crying more than I was. I was speechless. 

After a few minutes Phil calmed down and I pulled away. “Phil it’s okay, I don’t blame you. It’s not your fault so please don’t cry.”

“I can’t help it. I’m suppose to be your friend and I just let you sit in your bed drowning in thoughts about who knows what and I didn’t see the signs until now.” 

“Phil I’m fine,” I assured him. “I’m just going through something right now, I’ll figure it out soon.”  
“Then tell me what it is and we can figure it out together,” Phil promised. I shook my head. “Why not?”  
I sighed. “Because I can’t.”

“Why can’t you? Did I do something wrong?”

“No you didn’t Phil, I promise it’s nothing.”

“Then why won’t you tell me?”

“Because I can’t!!!!” I yelled in his face. I immediately regretted it because Phil instantly fled from my room, and slammed his bedroom door shut. Our walls are really thin, so even though he tried to be quiet, I could still hear small sobs coming from the other room.

I buried my face in my pillow again. Why did I do that? I’m so stupid, so, so stupid. I’ve never yelled at Phil before and I’ve also never heard him cry that much. Why had I even lashed out at him; it wasn’t like it was his fault that I was having nightmares? I guess that I was afraid that if I told him, they might seem like a real problem and that was the last thing I wanted. All I wanted was to stop having them and forget I ever did. 

Yeah, like that was going to happen.

After an hour or so I heard Phil get up and walk around the apartment before I heard the front door shut and he was gone. 

I mean he wasn’t gone, gone. I got up and checked his room and he had left all of his belongings so he must have gone for a walk. Or at least I hope. I decided that I would make dinner for him when he got back and take that chance to apologize for yelling at him. But that won’t change the fact that he will still want to know what’s going on with me. And I still couldn’t tell him. 

Of course our refrigerator was empty so I ordered Phil’s favorite pizza instead. I also got a couple cookies and some soda drinks and got the TV all set up to play his favorite movie. I really hoped this was enough to make him forgive me. I really was sorry. 

After a few hours, the pizza was getting cold so I put it in the oven. Where was Phil? I didn’t think he’d be gone this long. Was he really that mad at me? I texted him asking where he was because I wanted to do the whole apologizing thing in person. After 10 minutes he still hasn’t answered. Maybe he decided to stay over at a friends house and he turned his phone off while they were watching a movie? Maybe he left his phone here? Maybe his phone died? 

Now I must admit, a lot of other theories of why Phil wasn’t home yet passed through my head but I chose to push them away with hope that Phil would come wandering in here in just a few minutes and I could tell him how sorry I was and we could watch a movie cuddled up on the couch eating pizza and cookies. 

And yet he still didn’t show. And it was now one in the morning. 

I was still awake sitting on the couch staring at a blank TV screen wondering where the hell he was when my phone rang. I glanced over to look at who was calling. It was Phil. I scrambled to pick it up and pressed it against my ear. 

“Oh my god Phil, you’ve been scaring me to death, I’ve called and texted you a million times, are you okay?”

“That depends on your definition of okay.”

I nearly dropped the phone. 

That was not Phil’s voice. In fact it was the only other voice I knew by heart besides Phil’s. The voice that I would spend all night talking with. The voice that would comfort me when I was feeling sad and the voice that told me how much I really mattered to them. The voice who figured out who I really loved and who made a promise I couldn’t forget. 

“Emily.”

“You guess well,” she said and I think I could actually hear her smile on the other end. “But I’m actually surprised you remembered me, it’s been so long since you’ve heard my voice.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t trying to remember I was trying to forget,” I choked on my words. 

“I’m also surprised you haven’t asked me why I have your friend’s phone?”

Oh yeah. That. 

I sighed. “I swear, Emily if you hurt him I will spend the rest of my life making sure you suffer.”

“I think you should be more concerned about your friend’s life,” she raised her voice a little louder. But as she paused, I could hear muffling in the background. 

Phil. No, no, no, no. 

I didn’t say anything so she continued. “Oh you don’t believe that I have him? Well maybe this will convince you.” I heard shuffling. “Say hi to your friend Phil.”

Tears started falling down my face before he even spoke. “Dan don’t come for me, please I’m not worth it, Dan please I’m not worth it-.”

“Phil!” I yelled as more tears streamed down my face. 

“I guess you believe me now.” I gripped the phone tighter as she spoke. 

“Why are you doing this?” I cried. 

“Because you left me!” she yelled through the speaker. “I loved you, but you left me. You left me for some guy who you just met, and yet you already decided you loved him more then me! Except you never told Phil that you loved him did you?”

I sighed. Phil could hear every word. 

“You are a fag and a liar and you chose to throw away everything we had for nothing!”

My heart hurt with every word she said. 

“But I still made a promise to you. Do you remember my promise Dan?”

_ I don’t want to.  _

“I promised--no I swore that I wouldn’t stop until I take everything from you. I won’t stop. And you can try to find me Dan. You can search the entire planet if you want to but while you are wasting your time looking, your friend,” she coughed. “Excuse me, lover, will be here with me, slowly dying.”

I tried to sound strong on the phone but she knew I was losing it. I was sobbing. 

“Emily please,” I begged. “He has nothing to do with this.”

“You always said you would do anything to protect the people you love. It’s time to find out if that’s true.”

I opened my mouth to say something but then I heard beeping at the other end. I pulled my phone away from my ear and watched as the screen went blank. 

Then my entire world went dark. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the suspense!!!! But at this point I have no idea what should happen next so feel free to leave me ideas!!!


	3. Chapter 3

As I slowly opened my eyes I was met with a blinding light. It took a few seconds for me to focus and adjust to my surroundings. I was in a hospital room in a bed and as I looked down I could see chords on my arm. My brain slowly came back to reality. 

Phil.

I sat up immediately and frantically looked around until three people rushed to my side who I didn’t notice before. My eyes adjusted even more and I saw that those people were PJ, Chris and Tyler. 

“What are you guys doing here? What happened? How did I get here? Where’s Phil?” I almost didn’t want to hear the answer. 

“I was shooting a collab with PJ,” Tyler answered. “Then apparently the smoke alarm in your house went off and the fire department arrived to find you passed out on the ground.”

Why did the smoke alarm go- oh wait I had left a pizza in the oven. Dammit. 

“As for Phil, we don’t know,” Chris explained. “We’ve been trying to call him but it just goes to voicemail. We were hoping you knew where he was.”

I tried to hide the fact that I didn’t know anything to keep them safe but they could already see right through me. 

“Dan, do you know where Phil is?” PJ asked. 

“N-no I don’t,” I was stuttering my words so much, there was really no point in lying. But I didn’t want them getting involved; it wasn’t safe. 

“Dan, what happened? Why don’t you want to tell us?” Tyler asked. 

“Because it isn’t safe,” was my only reply. 

“What isn’t safe? What aren’t you telling us?” 

I sighed. Dammit. There was no turning back now. They knew I was hiding something and they weren’t going to stop asking me until I told them. 

“Phil was kidnapped by my ex-girlfriend,” I blurted out. There’s one sentence I never thought I’d say. 

All three of them had the weirdest looks on their faces. 

“You are going to have to be a bit more specific,” Chris spoke slowly as if he was trying to decide if he believed me or not.

“I had a girlfriend along time ago who I broke up with after she professed her love for me.”

“Wow, that’s awkward,” Tyler still had the same face expression. 

“For....some...reason she blames Phil so she had him kidnapped. She called....me last night and said that she would make him suffer and maybe....kill him before I can find him,” I paused nearly every second. 

Their facial expressions did not change. 

“I swear if this is another April fool’s joke-,” Chris began. I interrupted him by bursting into tears. I never cry. They knew right then that I was serious. 

“Don’t worry you will be let out of the hospital in the morning then we can go to the police,” PJ promised me. I nodded with tears still streaming down my face. A nurse came into the room and then I realized that it was in fact 2am. She shooed the boys out of the room and then I was left on my own. I couldn’t just lie here for six hours waiting for some dumb ass doctors to tell me that I could leave this room. Nevertheless, the nurse wouldn’t let me leave no matter how many times I tried to sneak past her. She wouldn’t even let my friends stay with me. I tried to tell her that I needed to speak to the police about my missing friend but she just assured me that I could see them in the morning. 

The morning. So far away. 

After multiple failed attempts at convincing her I said screw her and climbed back into bed. I tossed and turned for about an hour trying to find a comfortable position but all I could think about was Phil. The image of him in those nightmares I was having kept popping into my head. What if that was his state a this very moment? 

Then it hit me. The nightmares. They were coming true. Well not all of it, I have yet to see Emily breathing fire, but the rest of it. The promise she made, Phil in the background covered in scars and blood. The knife. Oh my god the knife. Was she really going to kill Phil? No she wouldn’t, she’s not like that. Then again, I didn’t think she was capable of kidnapping yet here we are. 

Suddenly tears started forming in my eyes as a crazy theory popped into my head. I had basically been warned that Phil was going to get hurt. The nightmares were haunting me for a reason. They were trying to warn me. I stupidly ignored them and kept it all to myself. I let the nightmares come to me thinking that they would go away. I could have told someone. I could have tried to figure it out. 

But I didn’t. If I did, Phil might still be here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so I'm sorry this chapter is so short but I wanted to end it on a suspenseful note. I wanted to include more characters so PJ and Chris are going to be helping Dan from now on. And Tyler of course because I love him.   
> Also I finally have an idea about how the story can continue so the next chapter should be up soon.
> 
> Thank you for reading this, you have no idea how much that means to me. :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that it took so long to write this chapter, I was at loss for ideas but I think I finally know how this story is going to play out.

“So you’re saying that your friend was kidnapped by Emily Reese?” The officer repeated after I explained the story multiple times. 

“Yes,” I confirmed. 

“Do you have proof?” 

“She called me yesterday and told me she had him,” I handed her my cell phone.

“Let me see if I can find the recording,” she said. I nodded at her walked to the end of the room where the guys were waiting. 

“Don’t worry Dan, we will find him,” Chris promised me.

I nodded again. PJ looked at me funny. “What?” I asked. 

“Are you okay?” 

I rolled my eyes. “What do you think?”

“Right, of course you aren’t okay but you still seem off.”

Besides the fact that my best friend is missing and maybe dead because of me. 

“I’m not okay, but hopefully I will be soon,” I forced a small smile. 

“Are you sure this is the right phone she called you with?” The officer called me. 

I turned around and walked back. “Yes that is my phone, why?”

“I can’t find any call within the last five days.”

I shook my head. “That’s not possible, Emily called me yesterday.”

“About that. Emily Reese doesn’t show up in our records.”

“What do you mean?” I was so confused. 

“She died two years ago in a car accident.” 

I started to get angry. “No that is not possible, she called me last night!” 

“I’m sorry sir,” she used the calmest voice possible. “I’ll still file Phil Lester as missing but until we get more information there’s nothing we can do.” 

I couldn’t hear anymore of these lies. I grabbed my phone, stormed passed the guys and out the door without looking back. Chris called my name but I didn’t stop. I had made it about a block before they caught up to me and PJ grabbed my arm. 

“Dan stop.” 

“Stop?” I yelled. “Phil is missing and possibly injured or dead and no one in the station gives a damn just because some stupid record says that Emily is dead. Why is she dead? She is not dead and she did call me last night but no one gives a damn about that either because for some shitty reason there is no recording of it in my phone! Forgive me for not being okay like you think I am but you don’t know how long I have suffered in silence while keeping my true feelings to myself instead of telling Phil how I really feel!” 

I hadn’t meant to say that last part. They didn’t seem to care though. They knew. 

I turned around and ran away again so my friends didn’t have to see me cry. I walked all the way back to the apartment and ran into Phil’s room and fell face first on his bed. I buried my face in his pillow and wept. The pillow smelled like Phil and that just made me cry more. I stayed in that spot for what it seemed like hours before I heard the door to the flat open and then close. I half expected it to be Phil coming in after going to get pizza and all the past events turned out to be a dream. But instead it was my friends again. 

“Dan?” I heard Chris’s voice in the doorway. My back was facing them but I heard them all come in and then PJ sat next to me while Tyler and Chris sat on the floor in front of me. I tried not to make eye contact with them and chose to stare at the small lion in the corner of the room. 

Phil’s lion. 

I made grabby hands at the lion and Chris saw and immediately grabbed it and handed it to me. I cuddled it in my arms and let my tears soak the pillow.

“Look Dan,” PJ started. “You’re right. We don’t know what’s going on inside your head. You are not okay, and we’re sorry we kept on asking you. It was wrong to think that you weren’t as crushed as we are.”

I gave them a confused look. 

“Dan, you’re not the only one who’s sad,” Chris assured me. “You have to remember that we are all worried about Phil too. But we can’t worry about him because we are too busy worrying about you.”

“Well I didn’t ask you to be,” I snapped. 

“You didn’t have to. We are your friends, it’s our job to be worried about you. It’s our job to help you, and that’s what we are going to do. We are going to help you find him.” 

“But what if we never do?” My voice was barely a whisper; I was surprised they heard it. 

“Then I guess you’ll never be able to tell Phil that you love him,” Tyler smiled a little.

“Not now Tyler,” PJ glared at him. 

“Hey you’re just mad because Phan is real and now you owe me 30 bucks.”

“TYLER!” Chris and PJ yelled. 

“It’s okay guys,” I sat up. “I’m sorry too. I forgot that you guys care about Phil too and I was just so upset that no one would listen to me but I shouldn’t have yelled.”

“It’s okay,” Chris promised. 

“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” PJ said.

“How long has Phan been real?” Tyler asked. 

“TYLER!” They yelled again. 

I smiled. “Technically it isn’t real yet because I don’t know if Phil feels the same way.”

“Of course he feels the same way, you two are practically made for each other!” Tyler said like it was obvious. “But I guess if you want to hear it yourself we are going to have to find him!” 

“How the fuck are we going to do that, we don’t even know where to start?” I buried my face in my hands. 

“Let’s start with the fact that your ex-girlfriend is apparently dead and there is no phone record that she called you last night.” 

I pulled out my phone and looked at recent calls. Sure enough, it said that I hadn’t called anyone since last week. 

Chris grabbed my laptop from my bed and after getting a glare from me he rolled his eyes and started typing something in the search bar. After a few moments he spoke. 

“Emily Reese was killed in a car crash on May 3rd 2013. She was driving home at night on an empty street along with three other girls when a truck ran a stoplight and smashed their car into a tree. The truck driver later died in the hospital and Emily along with two of the other girls were pronounced dead on the scene. The only survivor of the crash was….” Chris trailed off. 

“What?” I asked. 

He looked at me. “The only survivor was Emily’s girlfriend.”

My mouth dropped open. She had a girlfriend? After she hurt me with her horrible words she turned out to be the same? I couldn’t believe it. 

“Where does this girlfriend of hers live?” Tyler asked. 

“Her name is Grace Harper and she actually lives in Manchester but that’s all I can get.” Chris pulled up her Facebook page and we scrolled through all of her photos. When we got to some older ones, there was a few with Emily in it. She was hugging Grace, kissing her, they were all smiling and happy. 

That bitch. 

“I think we should try and find this Grace person, she could be useful in finding out why Emily is alive somehow,” Chris started doing more research on her. 

I nodded but then I felt my phone buzzing in my back pocket. I pulled it out. It was Phil’s phone calling. 

I showed it to my friends and they said, “Answer it!” So I pressed accept and then turned it on speaker. 

“Having trouble getting anyone to listen to you?” 

“Alright you bitch listen up!” I yelled into the phone. “You have Phil, now what? You haven’t asked for anything, you haven’t told me to meet you somewhere, you’ve just been holding him and doing who knows what and I’m sick and fucking tired of it!” 

“Woah, slow down Dan,” her voice sounded so calm. “I will ask for something soon but for a while I just want to see how far you will go for love. You didn’t go that far for me, so I can’t wait to see how far you will go to save Phil.”

I was at a loss for words so she continued. 

“Better hurry though. If you don’t make a move soon I might just decide to end it.”

“Don’t you dare!” I screamed. “I swear if you lay a finger on him I will kill you! I swear to god bitch, I will kill you!” 

She laughed. “You can’t kill something that’s already dead.”

And then she hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUSPENSE AHHHHHHH!!!! 
> 
> Please don't hate me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took so long, I had the worst case of writer's block ever! 
> 
> Btw there is some minor violence in here, it's not much but I figured I'd just warn you anyway.

“So is she a fucking ghost or something?” Chris asked as soon as Emily hung up. 

“Don't be ridiculous,” PJ scoffed. “There's no such thing as ghosts.” 

“I've seen the ghost of my grandfather once,” Chris argued.

“Sure you have.” 

“I'm serious.” 

“Would you guys shut up for one minute?” I snapped. They looked up at me, surprised at my outburst.

“Sorry, I just need to think for a sec.” 

“What's there to think about? We should come up with a plan and try to to find this ghost bitch,” Tyler proposed. 

“Ok first of all, she's not a ghost,” PJ said. “Second, I think we should find this Grace person first and see if she can help us.” 

“How would Grace help us?” I asked. 

“Maybe she can tell us more about Emily's death.”

“And maybe if Emily is back from the dead, she might have visited Grace,” Tyler pointed out.

“Shut up Tyler she's not a ghost!” I yelled. I was worried I had hurt his feelings but he just shrugged.

“If you say so.”

I rolled my eyes. “Chris is there anything else you can find about Grace?” 

“Her address and everything personal is confidential but she works at a Starbucks in Manchester so she shouldn't be too hard to find.” 

“Ok, well then we should pack a few things and get on a train as soon as possible,” PJ sat up and motioned for the others to follow. 

“I can stay with Dan and help him pack,” Tyler offered. 

PJ and Chris looked at me to see if that was okay. 

“Yeah, that would actually be great otherwise I’d be really lonely,” I formed the tiniest of a smile, but they all knew that underneath I was literally dying from heartbreak. 

PJ and Chris left while Tyler helped me gather some clothes and essentials. He also cleaned up from my dinner that I was suppose to have with Phil the other night because it was all still sitting in the lounge getting cold and moldy. 

When we were all ready, Chris texted me saying they had train tickets and to meet us at the station in half an hour. As we gathered up the stuff, Tyler looked up at me and said, “Don’t worry Dan. He’s still alive, he’s gonna be fine. And we are going to find him.”

I still hadn’t told anyone about the nightmares. I hadn’t had one since the kidnapping; granted I hadn’t slept at all, but they still haunted me during the day. That image playing over and over. Phil was hurt. He was dying. I saw it so clear, and I’ve never had a dream that realistic. His eyes were so real, and the blood that was dried around them on his face and…”

“Dan!” I blinked a few times and snapped back to reality as Tyler said my name.

“Yeah, I know,” I replied. 

But I didn’t. To be honest, I don’t know anything at this point.

The moment we got on the train to Manchester, my friends were already begging me to lie down and sleep for a little. They knew I hadn’t slept in two days, and honestly it never affected me until now. Until I leaned my head back and shut my eyes for a second did I finally realize how fuckin tired I was. But I didn’t want to sleep. I was worried I was going to have another dream. And I couldn’t bear to see that image again. 

“Please Dan,” PJ was begging me. “Please sleep for just a little while. You are so tired, you’ll feel better if you take a nap.”

“I don’t want to,” I refused to shut my eyes. 

“Dan if we have to we will knock you out, but you won’t be able to focus if you don’t get some sleep.”

I shook my head. 

“Are you afraid you will have a bad dream or something?” Chris asked. 

“No,” I said quickly. “I just don’t want to waste time sleeping when we can be looking for Phil.”

“Dan we can’t do anything on a train,” PJ commented with that ‘are you an idiot’ look on his face. I rolled my eyes and faced the window. Maybe it would be better if I got just a little bit of sleep? If I stayed half awake then maybe I wouldn’t have any dreams. So I put my head against the seat and shut my eyes. Darkness never felt so good. Slowly I drifted off to sleep….

When I woke up I was in a dark room. How the hell did I get here? I was just on the train. Wait, maybe this is a dream? But it looks so real. I observed the area around me before getting up and realizing I had something in my hand. 

A gun? When the hell did I get a gun? I heard shuffling and I looked up to see a rat run across the floor in front of me. I jumped back in the surprise. This place already gave me the creeps. 

I walked down a small hallway that barely had any light and the floor creaked with every step I took. I had decided to take the gun with me because due to my obsession with video games, I figured I might come across something that needed to be shot. 

I reached the end of the hallway and was about to turn back when I heard something. It was a loud banging coming from the last room in the hall. Except it wasn’t like a banging sound like metal hitting metal. It sounded like something metal hitting something soft. But then a loud scream rang out through the brick walls of the building. 

A scream that belonged to Phil. 

I ran into the room and saw him lying there on the ground nearly unconscious. He looked almost exactly like he did in my previous dreams except he actually looked worse. His eyes flickered open, barely awake. He had bruises all over his face and his shirt was stained red from what appeared to be blood. But then there was Emily standing above him holding a metal bar, covered in blood, in her hands.

She looked up at me a smiled and threw the bar down onto Phil’s stomach making him scream in pain and crumple up in a ball protecting himself. His scream shot me right in the heart and I almost passed out in pain. I yelled at her to stop and held up the gun but for some reason I couldn’t shoot. I tried to run but my feet wouldn’t move. I was stuck in one place like one of those bad dreams you have as a child where something is chasing you and you can’t move.

Except this was far worse. 

Emily continued to hit Phil harder and harder as every sound he made pierced my ears and made me cry until my vision was blurry. I heard the crack of his bones as the bar hit him continuously all around his body and I couldn’t do a thing except watch and cry. Emily finally stopped after what seemed like forever and walked over to me with a smug smile on her face. I didn’t even make eye contact; I just stared at Phil crumpled up on the floor screaming in pain as blood and tears soaked his t-shirt. 

Emily grabbed my face and forced me to look at her. 

“I told you I keep my promises,” she hissed at me through her teeth. “And trust me, I haven’t fulfilled this one just yet,” and then all of a sudden her eyes lit up in some flaming bright light that stung my eyes. It looked like fire mixed with darkness and evil all torturing my eyes at once. They got brighter and brighter until I had to shut my eyes from the pain. 

I opened my eyes and leapt off the train seat running into Tyler who sat across from me. I breathed heavily as PJ grabbed my arms and Chris woke up from whatever nap he was taking. 

“Dan are you okay? Dan can you hear me?” PJ shook me trying to get me to speak. 

I couldn’t hear anything though. I could only hear Phil’s scream ringing in my ears for eternity. I started crying again and curled up into a ball on the floor of the train. They didn’t even try to pull me up; PJ just grabbed my hand and held onto it while Tyler and Chris rubbed my back and handed me a kleenex. I sobbed for several minutes, just pouring out all my anger and sadness and guilt into a pile of water. 

“It okay Dan,” Chris promised. “I swear to god, we will find him. He will be alright.” 

No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t believe that. 

Tyler looked out the window. “Looks like we’re almost there.”

I swallowed and slowly pulled myself off the ground ignoring the stares from the other passengers. I looked out the window and slowly started to see the city of Manchester appear before my blurry eyes. 

“I’m coming Phil,” I whispered. “I promise.”

And I always keep my promises too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now back to writer's block. :)


	6. Chapter 6

When we arrived I literally jumped off my seat and ran to the exit as fast as I could while my friends struggled to keep up. We each had one backpack but we had no idea what we would need so they were very heavy and full of random shit. 

When we came to the stop we jumped off the train but then I froze for a second. Of course Grace would have to live in Manchester. Now I would have to come back to the train station. 

The place where I met Phil for the first time. 

It seems like everywhere I go, everything reminds me of him.

We exited the station and since Chris couldn’t figure out which Starbucks Grace worked at, we decided we would have to go search all of them. Unfortunately Manchester had like 10 Starbucks’ and they are all spread across the city so we split up and hunted them all down. Chris and PJ headed to the north of the city while Tyler and I started from the south and worked our way up. Every Starbucks we went to we asked them if Grace Harper worked there and just so we didn’t look suspicious we said we were old friends of her’s that were in town. And of course Tyler would order the occasional latte and muffin here and there and when I would ask him why he would always say, 

“Have you met me?”

Yes I have so I guess I couldn’t argue. 

After about two hours or so of searching every Starbucks, (it would have been less but Tyler kept ordering a bunch of shit), we finally got a call from PJ. 

“Hey I think we found her.”

“Really?’ I gasped loudly and Tyler choked on his hot chocolate. 

“Yeah but we aren’t aloud to talk to her until her shift ends and it’s over in about 20 minutes so you guys should get down here.”

“Where exactly is ‘here’?” 

“We are at the Starbucks in the mall.”

I grabbed Tyler so hard he dropped his cup but I ignored his complaints and dragged him down the street to try and catch a cab. But of course none would stop so we decided to run and I think it’s the first time I’ve ran in like a year. 

I was not prepared for it. 

After running out of breath multiple times we finally arrived at the mall and met PJ and Chris outside of the Starbucks. 

“You made it just in time her shift is almost over,” Chris said as soon as we walked up.

“Actually it’s over now,” PJ pointed to the front of the door where a skinny pale girl with the blondest hair walked out and I immediately recognized her from her Instagram photos. Except her skin was much more pale. Almost like she has just seen a ghost. 

Oh shit. 

“Grace Harper?” I walked up to her. 

She turned around. “Yeah?”

“My name is Dan,” I held out my hand and she took it. “I was an old friend of Emily’s.”

“Oh, I see,” she nodded and shook my hand. “Nice to meet you,” I could tell her smile was fake. 

“I just wanted to come and say I’m sorry for your loss, Emily was a good person,” I forced out that last part. 

“It was over two years ago, why are you telling me this now?” She asked.

“I...I...I only found out recently.”

“I thought you said you were a friend of Emily’s, how could you not know?”

“I…..I…..I’ve been… out of communication for a while and I only just found out,” I stumbled over my words. 

“Oh ok,” I could tell she was still suspicious. “Well thank you but I really should be going,” she turned to leave. 

“Wait,” I stopped her. “Have you...uh...heard anything about Emily lately?”

“What would I need to hear?” She sounded annoyed. 

“Like just anything about the accident, was there anything...uh….unexplainable about it or anything weird?”

“Nothing really except my girlfriend dying!” her voice level raised.

“Listen Grace, we really don’t mean to upset you,” PJ tried to calm her down. 

“Then leave me alone, you don’t know what I’ve been through!” Grace started walking away again. 

“Have you ever seen the ghost of Emily?” Tyler blurted out.

Grace froze. 

I glared at Tyler. 

“What else was I supposed to do? You guys were failing at it,” Tyler shrugged. 

Grace slowly turned around. “What do you mean?”

I sighed. “Emily died and now we think she is back cause she kidnapped my friend and we were wondering if you have seen her.”

Grace’s face went white. “Um….I….uh...,”

“What?” I asked. 

She ran. 

“Really?” Chris threw his arms up in the air. 

“Come on let’s follow her,” I motioned and ran after Grace. 

After a few minutes it was clear we were never going to catch Grace. She ran through alleyways, dodged cars and even threw people into us to slow us down. We never lost sight of her but we didn’t get any closer to catching her either. Even though my legs were killing me and I was running out of breath so quickly, I kept on going because Grace might be our only hope at finding Phil.

Finally Grace cut down an alleyway and as we all followed her PJ took the chance at going around and hoping to trap her. Being the fastest out of all of us he was able to reach the end of the alley just as she came out and collided into her, knocking her to the ground. 

She scrambled to get up but we surrounded her. 

“Please don’t hurt me!” She cried and I noticed tears falling down her cheeks. 

“We’re not going to hurt you,” PJ promised. “We just need information.” 

“I don’t know anything!” She cried again. 

“Lier!” I yelled through my clenched teeth. Chris stepped in front of me. 

“Dan calm down, we don’t want to scare her.”

“She ran which means she knows something that might help us find Phil!” I spoke in a loud whisper. 

“We are never going to get anything out of her if she is scared of us.”

I sighed. He was right. I took a few deep breaths and faced her again. 

“Listen, I’m sorry that we scared you. But this is my friend that Emily took. My best friend who I love more than anything. And if you loved Emily as much as you say you do, then you must know what it is like to lose someone you care about. So please, tell me, do you know anything about what happened?”

Grace sighed. “If she knows I told, then she will come after me.” 

“I promise, we will not let that happen,” I swore. “If you tell us what you know, we can find Emily and stop her from hurting anyone ever again.”

After a few moments of silent crying she finally spoke. “Ok,” she choked out between tears. “I’ll tell you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for my absence and this short chapter.
> 
> Anxiety is a bitch. 
> 
> Hopefully I will resume my regular posting but I promise I am not giving up on this story.


	7. Chapter 7

“It started about a week ago,” Grace began. We were all back at her apartment sitting in her living room. “All these strange things kept on happening to me, like I would misplace my things even though I didn’t remember moving them, or I would walk into a room to get something and then suddenly forget what I wanted. And then when I would be sitting on my couch reading I would feel a sudden gust of cold air when the windows weren’t even open. I just thought it had something to do with my situation.” 

“What’s your situation? PJ asked. 

“I suffer from anxiety and depression,” Grace breathed out slowly. “I’ve noticed it for a while now but it only got serious after my dad died three years ago. Emily was the only one who had been able to get through to me and helped me get myself together. But after she...left….it’s been affecting me a lot and I barely get through the day anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” I found myself saying. 

“But anyway, last week I started feeling weird, and I know it sounds crazy, but I actually felt her presence multiple times. But I always shook it off assuming that it was my mind playing tricks on me.”

She paused for a second and looked up at us before continuing. 

I knew it was about to get real.  
“Two days ago I was walking home from work after dark and some guy came up to me and demanded my money. When I refused, he pulled a gun on me. I was about to hand it over when he suddenly collapsed and she was behind him, holding a bloody knife. She locked eyes with me for a few seconds and then ran. I almost didn’t believe what I saw at first, and my therapist says I probably imagined it but…” she trailed off. “She looked so real.”

PJ put an arm around her to comfort her, while we all processed what she had just said. With everything that’s been happening lately, I almost believed her. 

“I understand if you think I’m crazy; you aren’t the first,” Grace started crying again.

“No don’t cry, we believe you,” PJ promised. “Right Dan?” The look he gave me told me I better say yes.

“Yeah, of course we do,” I said quickly not wanting to upset her more. 

Grace wiped away her tears and focused on me. “Why did she kidnapped your friend?”

I sighed. “I broke her heart a few years ago and I guess this is her idea of payback.”

Grace’s eyes widened. “Wow ok, I never thought she would be capable of anything like that.”

“Well neither did I, and believe me I knew her well.”

Grace nodded. “I see,” but the look on her face said she knew. 

“Anyway,” Tyler continued. “We were wondering if you maybe had any idea where she might be. Like was there a place that she loved to go to or something?”

Grace thought for a moment. “I’m sorry, I can’t really remember anything.”

Chris sighed. “Great, now we are back to square one.”

“I’m sorry I wish I could help,” Grace looked really guilty. 

“It’s fine,” PJ promised. “Thank you for your help,” he got up to leave.

“Wait,” I said. They all stopped. Before I knew what I was saying I blurted out, “I think I have a way we can find Phil.”

“What do you mean?” Tyler asked. 

Well there was no going back now. “You see, I kind of...have these...dreams...or visions, I don’t know but they let me see what is happening to Phil right now, or at least I think it’s what’s happening to him. They started a few days before he disappeared and then…”

“Wait what?” Chris gasped. “You’re telling us you have had a way to find him all along?”

“No,” I said quickly. “I didn’t think they meant anything, I just thought they were nightmares.”

“And you didn’t think to tell any of us?” Chris was angry now. 

“I’m sorry!” I cried. “But the dreams are so scary and I didn’t want to see them anymore!”

“What do you mean they are scary?” Tyler asked in a more calm voice then Chris’s. 

“I saw Emily… torturing and hurting Phil in ways that I didn’t even know were possible. It hurt me so much because I couldn’t do anything, and I’m so scared that that is what is happening to Phil right now,” I started tearing up as the memories floated back into my mind. 

“So you think there could be a way for you to find out where she is keeping him?” 

“I think so, I don’t really know, I’ve only had one since the kidnapping.”

“Ah, so that’s why you woke up screaming and crying on the train,” PJ pointed out.

“Yeah…” I said shyly. 

Chris crossed his arms. “I still don’t understand why you couldn’t have told us.”

“I was scared Chris,” I explained. “The dreams haunt me even in the day and it puts me in the kind of pain that you can't even imagine. I didn't want to see it again.” 

“Wow, I see how much you care about getting Phil back,” Chris said sarcastically. 

“Chris!” PJ yelled. “Leave Dan alone, you don't know what he has been through.” 

“You make it sound like he's the only one who misses Phil!” 

“Chris please,” I begged. “Trust me if you saw what I saw then you would have never wanted to see it again, believe me.” 

“Well I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be as selfish as you are!” 

“Chris!” PJ yelled. He got up and grabbed Chris's’ arm. “We are going to have a little talk in the kitchen!” and dragged him out of the room. 

Tyler got up and sat down next to me. “Don’t listen to him Dan, he’s just upset, he’ll get over it.” 

I sighed. “No he’s right I am selfish. I should have told you guys; it could have helped us find Phil.” 

“What exactly did you see in the dreams?” he asked. 

I shrugged. “I don’t really know, it all happened so fast. I was just in some dark old building or something.”

“Do you think if you saw it again you could figure out where you are?”

“What are you saying?”

“Maybe if you went to sleep again, you could appear there and figure out where it is?” he proposed. 

“I don’t know if I can do that,” my eyes got watery. “It was so painful to watch him be tortured, I don’t know if I can bear that again.”

“But think about it Dan,” Tyler encouraged me. “If you continue to avoid it then he might be put in even more pain and that would be much worse.” 

I sighed. He was right. If Phil was even still alive then the only way I might be able to find him would be through these weird visions I kept having. 

“Ok, I’ll go to sleep and see if I can find him.”

“Yay!” Tyler cheered and then got serious again. “Sorry this isn’t exactly the right time for cheers.”

“You can’t go,” Grace spoke up. We turned in surprise and realized we forgot she was there. 

“Why can’t I?” I asked annoyed.

“Because the more times you go into those dreams, the more power she will have over you and the easier it will be for her to control your thoughts. What you see in those dreams might not even be real but if you continue to see it, then she will continue to give them to you and the visions of your friend will get worse until they will turn into something you don’t want to see!” She blurted out. 

I was so confused. “And how exactly do you know this?” 

She swallowed. “Cause, cause I have them too.” 

“What?!?!?” I screamed. 

“I see the things you do,” she explained while holding back tears. “I see your friend, really tall, black hair right?” I nodded. “I see Emily hurting him. But it doesn’t affect me as much because I am not as close to your friend as you are. And as I slowly stopped caring and believing what I saw, the dreams started disappearing and now I rarely get them and-” 

“And you just didn’t think this was important!?!?” I yelled. 

“Dan,” her voice was so calm. “I was scared, just as you are. Can’t you understand that?” 

I took a deep breath. “You’re right I’m sorry.”

“Thank you,” she breathed. 

“But that doesn’t change the fact that the visions could still tell us where Phil is.” 

“But we don’t know if they are true,” Grace protested. “And if they aren’t then we might as well be on a wild-goose chase.” 

“It’s our only chance.” 

She sighed. “Then I’m coming with you.” 

I shook my head. “Uh no you aren’t, and you can’t anyway.” 

“Yes I can, I have the same visions that you do, so if we are in physical contact when we fall asleep, then I could slip into your dreams.”

I raised my eyebrows. 

“Holding hands,” she explained. 

“Oh, ok,” I breathed a sigh of relief. She rolled her eyes. “I guess you can come, if it will really help.” 

“Yes, I know the way around the dream so I can guide you.” 

“How do you know so much about this?” I asked. 

“I have had these visions longer than you have,” she started walking out of the room. 

“How long?”

She stopped. “Since Emily died.” 

Two years. That’s a long time to be traumatized by your own dreams. I suddenly felt really bad for Grace. She didn’t deserve what she had been through. 

When we opened the door to the kitchen, Chris and PJ fell in front of us. The good thing was we didn’t have to explain the plan to them because they had been listening the whole time. PJ said it was a good idea but Chris didn’t say anything, he just stared at his feet and I figured I wouldn’t be hearing anything out of him for a while. 

Grace gave me this pill and said it would help me fall asleep faster and took one herself. As we both laid on her bed, PJ paced back and forth repeating the same questions over and over. 

“What if it doesn’t work?”  
“What if you can’t find Phil?”  
“What if you get lost?”  
“What if Emily traps you or something?”  
“What if-”

“PJ,” I stopped him.”We will be fine, and we’ll be back soon,” I assured. I didn’t want to admit it but I was repeating the same questions over and over in my head. I was still really confused about how Grace said she could somehow enter my dreams. Was that even possible? This seemed less and less like a mental disorder or something and more like an episode of Doctor Who. 

“Are you ready?” Grace interrupted my thoughts. I nodded as she grabbed my hand. We looked at the others and they nodded but I could see the fear in their eyes. I usually can’t fall asleep when people are watching me but after a few minutes my eyes became heavy and I slowly fell into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> Listen, I'm the co-owner of an awesome phan account on Instagram and if you want to you should totally follow it @beautifulphantasy because I'm just phandom trash and who doesn't love that?
> 
> Also happy pride month because I'm a total lesbian and this month is my favorite time of year.
> 
> Oh and btw thank you for just reading this story, (it's not over yet don't worry), it really means a lot that you are reading this piece of trash that I thought up at 3 in the morning and doesn't really deserve all the love you are giving it, but just thank you.


	8. Chapter 8

“Dan wake up,” I heard Grace say as she shook me awake. I slowly opened my eyes and then shut them again as I was blinded by a ceiling light. 

“Dan, come on, get up,” she repeated. I slowly sat up and rubbed my eyes as they adjusted to my surroundings. We were in some sort of old basement that had brick walls and cobwebs everywhere. Grace helped me stand up and as my eyes focused even more, I recognized the room. 

“This is where I was last time I had a nightmare.”

“Good that means it worked,” Grace sighed with relief.

“Why wouldn’t it have worked?”

“No reason,” Grace said quickly and started walking motioning me to follow. I decided not to ask. 

We walked down a dark hallway similar to the one I walked down last time. The floorboards creaked and we jumped at every sound we heard expecting something to pop out and scare us. 

“Wait a second,” I asked. “Can we wake ourselves up or do we have to wait until our bodies decide to wake up?”

“No, whenever we want to leave we just have to grab hands again and we will automatically wake up.”

I nodded. “When did you learn about all this?” 

She sighed. “I have had dreams like this for many years now. Emily has come into mine with me multiple times to try and help but she could never find anything. I think that’s why she has so much control over yours, it’s because she got knowledge about them from mine.”

I nodded again. I still didn’t quite understand but I didn’t really care. I just wanted to find Phil and go home and cuddle on the couch while watching anime and eating pizza. 

We rounded a corner and came into another hallway. I stopped and observed it before recognizing it. 

“This is where I started last time I had a vision!”

“Do you know which way leads to Emily?”

I looked at her. “Why?”

“Well we don’t want to walk into them, so we should try to avoid them as much as possible.”

“Hang on, I thought we were trying to save Phil?” I protested. 

“We are here to try and find out where this building is so we can find it in real life when we wake up. We can’t save Phil while we are in here.”

I wasn’t having it. I wasn’t going to leave here knowing Phil is somewhere in this building probably close to death. 

I pointed to a door that I knew wasn’t the one I went down last time. “I went down that way.”

“Ok, so let’s go a different way.”

I pointed at the real hallway that I went down last time. “Let’s go down that way.” Grace followed me and I felt a little bad because I was tricking her but I needed to find Phil. That was the only thing I cared about right now.

Soon we came to the room where I saw Emily and Phil last time except it was empty. There was just a pole in the middle of the room which I remember Phil being chained to and I shivered at the thought. I looked around but I couldn’t see anyone. 

“What are we doing in here?” Grace asked. “There’s nothing in here that can tell us where we are.”

“Oh, uh,” I stammered. “I don’t know, it just looked interesting that’s all,” I was disappointed that I had lied to her for nothing. 

“Ok, well if there is nothing here, than we should look somewhere else,” she turned and started walking out of the room. I was about to follow but then I heard a voice come from the corner of the room. 

“Dan.” 

The voice was very quiet and weak but I recognized it immediately. I turned around and peered into the corner of the room where it was very dark. 

Phil was lying on the ground, his hand outstretched toward me. I ran over and knelt down beside him, relieved that he was still alive, however he was far from ok. He had cuts and bruises all over his arms and face, there were a few blood stains on his shirt and overall he looked more pale than usual and much skinner as well. 

“Phil,” I didn’t know what else to say as I cupped his cheek and pulled him into my arms as gently as I could. “It’s ok, I’m here now,” I silently cried in his shoulder while he tightened his grip around me as if he was afraid I’d let go. 

“How are you here?” he whispered still holding on to me. 

“I’m not exactly sure,” I pulled away slowly. “But the important thing is, I found you and now we can get you out of here,” I helped him up and turned around to come face to face with Grace who looked extremely pissed. 

“You lead me here on purpose didn’t you!” she accused. I nodded. 

“I’m sorry, but I had to find him to see if he was ok.”

“Who is this?” Phil asked in a voice that only I could hear. 

“This is Grace, it’s a long story about how we met, but I’ll tell you that when we get home,” I started walking with Phil’s arm around my shoulder and me helping him along the way but Grace stopped me. 

“Dan you don’t understand, he can’t-” 

“Shhh,” I said and paused her. “I heard something,” we turned toward the door and listened. We heard footsteps coming closer and closer to the room. 

“It’s Emily, we need to get out of here,” Grace said. 

“Shouldn’t we fight?” I asked. 

“She’s a psychopath right now and we are unarmed.”

“I’ll take that as a no.”

Phil slowly raised his arm and pointed to the back of the room. “There’s another door over there,” he whispered. Once again, only I could hear him. 

“There’s a door over there,” I said to Grace who ran over and found the door even in the dimly lit room. She opened it as I slowly helped Phil walk. The footsteps were getting closer and they sounded much louder than they should, or maybe that was just the floorboards creaking. 

“Ok, let’s go,” I said. 

“Dan, there’s something I need to tell you,” Grace started. 

“Not now Grace, tell me later!” I pushed her through the doorway and helped Phil and shut the door behind me. We didn’t know how far away Emily was so we walked, almost ran, as fast as we could away from the room. After a few minutes we found ourselves in another hallway but we didn’t hear the footsteps anymore. 

“Dan, I need to tell you something,” Grace said as she breathed, tired from running. 

“Tell me when we wake up,” I held on to Phil as I grabbed her hand. I waited a few seconds. Nothing happened. 

“Why won’t it work? I thought you said we just had to hold hands.”

“I tried to tell you Dan,” she looked sorry. “But you wouldn’t listen.”

“What are you talking about?” my voice was shaky for some reason as I let go of her hand and clung to Phil. 

“This is just a dream. We are not really here. Phil isn’t really here. This is basically two realities that are smooshed together that allows us to see Phil. But you can’t travel between realities.”

“Wh-what?” I stuttered. 

“Phil can’t come with us.” 

My face fell. 

“I’m sorry, I tried to tell you earlier.”

Phil’s legs suddenly buckled underneath him and caused him to fall. I slowly lowered him to the ground as tears formed in my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I cried. “I’m so so sorry.”

“For what?” He whispered. “The fact that you came makes me happy cause I know you’re looking. And I know you’ll find me again.”

“I’m not leaving you here,” I said between tears.

“But Dan, you should know this place. It’s our old apartment. This is the abandoned basement underneath the building. Don’t you remember we used to come down here and go exploring when we were bored?”

I looked around the room. How did I not notice it before?

“You used to come down here when you were having an existential crisis and wanted to get away. I would follow you and convince you to come back up and watch anime with me and cuddle on the couch until you fell asleep in my arms. Don’t you remember?”

I nodded and started crying again. “Yeah of course I do.”

Phil smiled and brought his hand up to caress my cheek. “Now you must go.”

I shook my head as more tears flooded down my face. “I don’t want to leave you again. It’s my fault you’re here. It’s my fault you’re like this. It’s all my-”

“It’s nobody’s fault,” Phil interrupted.

“Ok, if it’s anyone’s fault it’s her’s,” of course Phil would try not to blame anyone.

“No you don’t understand,” Phil whispered. All of a sudden I heard a gun shot in the distance. 

“Dan we need to go,” Grace grabbed my hand. I held on to Phil with my other arm with his hand still on my cheek. He looked me in the eyes. 

“She’s hurt Dan. She’s broken. I hear her crying sometimes. Something inside her is torn apart and making her do this. But I know you can save her. I know you can save me. But you can’t be here to do either,” his voice cracked. More tears streamed down my face as Grace pulled on my hand and I heard footsteps coming down the hallway and another gunshot. 

“I’ll come back for you,” I whispered. “I promise.” He nodded as I slowly loosened my grip on him as Grace pulled me away. His hand left my cheek and I grabbed it with my free hand. As we were slowly being pulled apart I saw him mouth, “I love you” before our hands were separated and I blacked out again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't kill me.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is kind of a flashback to the night of the car crash and it's told from Emily's point of view.

It was late. We were driving home from the party. It was dark and rainy. I didn’t remember much. 

I knew that Grace was driving, I was in the passenger seat and Mia and Leo were in the back. The music was turned up really loud and I’m pretty sure we were all slightly drunk. But we were having a blast, just driving down the dimly lit road with the windows rolled down, singing at the top of our lungs. It was honestly the most fun I’ve had in the really long time. And for 15 minutes, everything was perfect. 

And then of course, that perfect moment ended. 

All I remember is one second we were driving and then all of a sudden a truck came out of nowhere and hit the side of our car and crushed us against the side of a hill. I remember that I couldn’t see that well. I think I was upside down. I heard Grace shouting my name and shouting the names of my other friends. I tried to speak to her but I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t feel any part of my body.

I don’t remember what happened after that. But Grace was the only survivor. 

Dying didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. I mean, I always thought about what it might feel like to die. There wasn’t much physical pain; it was mostly just  
emptiness. 

But what hurt most was the aftermath. I slowly opened my eyes and the pain instantly shocked me. I didn’t know what it was, or where it was coming from, I just know that it was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life. 

But this was no longer my life. 

I was dead. 

I was in hell. 

There was so much pain, I didn’t know if it lasted many hours or merely a few seconds but suddenly I was being drawn up into the light and even though it was painful, I felt calm. It felt like I was being lifted from a dark pit. The next thing I knew I was laying on the ground with the sun shining in my eyes, as if it wanted to make me open them. I sat up slowly. Every part of my body ached in pain. I had cramps all over and many parts of me felt like they were on fire. As I slowly looked around at my surroundings I noticed a huge stone sitting next to me. A gravestone. I peered closer and as my eyes slowly adjusted, I was able to read what it said. 

Emily Nicole Reese  
Loving friend, daughter, sister  
October 19, 1991 to May 3, 2013

I stared at it for a few minutes. It took me a while to remember that I had died. 

I had died. 

For some reason I didn’t freak out or question what had just happened. All I knew is that I had died, went to hell and somehow I was now back. I looked at the two gravestones next to mine. My two friends Mia and Leo had also died. Grace was still alive at least. 

But I wasn’t. I was suppose to be dead. I felt dead. My heart and soul felt empty and I didn’t even remember how to feel. I remembered Grace. But I didn’t remember my love for her. I knew I once loved her, but I couldn’t remember how to love. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t remember loving her at any point in my life. I tried to remember all the good times we had; all the dates, all the late night cuddles, all the laughter that she brought to my life. 

But I couldn’t. I couldn’t feel any love toward anyone. 

The only emotion I could feel was hate. 

And I did hate someone. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have died that night. If he hadn’t betrayed me for some random boy he had just met, I would have never met Grace and I wouldn’t have died that night in that car crash. I lost everything because of him. I could have had a life with him but he threw that all away. 

All for some stupid boy he met on the internet. 

But I remembered that night all those years ago. When he told me he didn’t love me and I told him, he would pay. I promised that I would take everything from him. 

And I never, ever, break my promises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So one of my friends is obsessed with Supernatural so I kind of tried to base this chapter off of the show and dedicate it to her.  
> Thanks for being a great friend Nicky.  
> But you need help.  
> Supernatural is ruining your life.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the wait, here is the chapter!!!

I slowly opened my eyes and I was met with the faces of Chris, PJ and Tyler staring down at me. 

“Dan, are you awake?” PJ asked. I blinked a few times and felt Grace’s hand leave mine as she got off the bed. 

And then I remembered. 

I leaped off the bed and all the boys jumped back in surprise as I scrambled to get up. I didn’t even know where I was going; the room was kind of spinning and I felt dizzy. But I couldn’t just stand still when I knew where Phil was. 

I knew where Phil was. 

I could find him now. 

“Dan, calm down!” PJ grabbed my shoulders and tried to get me to stop shaking. I didn’t know what was happening to me, I couldn’t control myself. All I knew was that I had to get to Phil. But Tyler helped PJ grab me and sit me down and kept me still. I kept flailing my arms everywhere but they pinned me to a chair and I was soon forced to calm down. 

“What happened?” Tyler asked as soon as my breathing returned to normal. 

“I found Phil but he couldn’t come back with us and I had to leave him and now he’s trapped in the basement of our old apartment and I need to find him!” I cried and leaped out of their grip but I soon fell on the floor again because I was so dizzy. 

Grace rushed to my side. “Dan, take it easy. You are going to be dizzy and tired for a little while, you don’t want to hurt yourself.” 

“No, I have to get to Phil!” I cried. 

“We need a plan though, we can’t just run in unprepared,” she argued. 

At that point a few tears were rolling down my cheeks. 

“Wouldn’t it be like, five on one though?” PJ asked. “We could easily beat her.”

Grace shook her head. “Emily is smart. She is bound to have other people on her side. It will take a lot more than just the five of us to bring her down.”

“Why don’t we just go to the police?” Chris asked.

“Fine, we’ll go to the police but you have to explain to them that Dan and I have dreams that allow us to enter another reality and see his best friend that was kidnapped by someone who has returned from the dead.”

“I’ll take that as a no,” Chris sighed. 

“So if you want to come up with a plan, what do you suggest?” PJ asked. 

“I have a tracking device that I can put on someone and then they could pretend to be sneaking around the basement and purposely get caught. They would probably get taken to Emily and possibly Phil and while she is distracted, everyone else can follow the tracking device to where they are and take them by surprise.”

“Did you just come up with that plan?” I asked. 

“No I’ve kind of been planning it for the past five minutes; I was just waiting for you guys to finally come to your senses and realize that I know more about this and you should listen to me.”

“Fine we'll go with your plan,” I gave in. “But if it doesn’t work than I am going to make you pay.”

“Well if this plan fails, it’s most likely we will die so you probably won’t live to make me pay.”

“Well that made me feel a lot better!” I cried. “If I wasn’t scared before, I sure am now.”

“So who wants to have the tracking device put on them?” Grace ignored me. 

I sighed. “This is my fight, so I guess I’ll have it.”

Grace nodded and went into the other room and came back with a small bracelet that had a flashing red light on it. She fastened it around my wrist and covered my sleeve over it so it was hidden. 

“Just head to your old apartment and pretend to be wandering around the basement and hopefully someone will see you and take you to Emily.”

“And what if no one sees me?” 

“Someone will I promise. Emily couldn’t have done this all on her own, there has to be people on her side and they are bound to catch you.”

“Ok,” I was still unsure about all this but all I really cared about was getting Phil back and I was determined to do whatever it took. 

“We will start following you in about 30 minutes so you have that much time to get caught.”

I nodded and slowly made my way out the door. I felt like I was in a trance because I couldn’t think straight. I felt dizzy as I walked down the stairs and out the building. I called a cab and took it to our old apartment from 4 years ago. I stepped out of the cab and looked the whole building up and down. It brought back so many memories. Some of the very first memories that Phil and I shared together and it almost made me cry as they all came back. I walked around the back of the building and went in through the secret entrance that Phil and I discovered when we first moved in. I slowly walked down the stairs into the cold basement; trying not to make too much noise because the stairs creaked with almost every step I took. I entered the main hallway that I remembered from the dreams and started wandering around just like Grace told me to. At first I didn’t hear a sound and I started to believe that I was the only one down here. But all of a sudden I heard a clanking noise. It was very faint but I heard it; it sounded like someone was banging a metal pole against something else metal and I prayed to god it wasn’t doing anything bad to Phil. 

I slowly followed the noise down a few hallways as it got louder and louder. I got to the point where I thought it was in the room next to me. I peered into a doorway and saw a man in the corner with his back to me. He had hammer in one hand and was using it to hit a pole or something; I couldn’t really tell because he was on the other side of the room. 

I was tempted to turn around and get as far away from him as I could but I also remembered that Grace said I had to get caught. I didn’t want to just pop out and say hi because that would look too suspicious. I looked around the room and saw a stick lying on the floor. I decided that I would tiptoe across the room and purposely step on the stick so he would notice me. 

I was just building up the courage to take a step into the room when the man turned around and saw me. I froze. His eyes narrowed and I shivered under his glare because he looked so huge and strong compared to me. I thought he wasn’t going to do anything to me at first as he just stood there staring me down. 

But then I felt something hard smack me in the back of the head and I fell to the ground. 

Everything went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I am going to be wrapping up this story in the next few chapters so you won't have to read my terrible writing forever lol.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so so sorry for the long wait so here's an extra long chapter to make up for it.

My head hurt like hell. Opening my eyes made it worse so I kind of stayed still for a while with my eyes shut, just listening to what was going on around me. Not that there was much. 

I began to realize that my hands were tied behind me to a pole or something and my legs were falling asleep caz I was kneeling on them. I refused to open my eyes cause seeing everything would make it more real and I just wanted to wake up and realize that this was all a dream. 

But then I heard something. 

“Dan.” 

The voice was very faint and quiet but I recognized it. 

My eyes snapped open immediately.

“Phil.” 

He was sitting across from me in the same position I was in. He looked the same as he did when I saw him in Grace’s dream. I felt kind of relieved that he didn’t look as worse as I expected but that didn’t mean he was perfect.

“Phil,” I repeated and tried to break free but the rope that was holding my hands together was too strong. “Phil, it’s really you.”

“Yeah, it’s me,” Phil sounded like he was about to cry.

“Are you ok? Are you hurt?” Why was I asking that, it was obvious he was not okay.

“Yeah I’m fine, kind of,” but I could see in his eyes that he was not ok. “I’m just so glad to see you.”

“Me too but we need to find a way out of here,” I looked around the room we were in that was similar to the room Phil was in when I found him in the dream. There was a desk in the right corner of the room with a bunch of tools laying on it. Hammers, rope, wrenches and a few metal pipes and some of the tools were covered in blood. 

I didn’t even bother to ask. I didn’t want to know. 

To my left there was a window and appeared to be shattered. Half the window was gone and there were sharp pieces leftover that pointed toward the center. There were bits and pieces laying on the ground beneath it. 

“How did that window break?” I asked. 

“Some guy was interrogating me but I wouldn’t tell him anything and he got really frustrated so he threw a hammer at the window and it broke.”

“Anger managment much?” 

Phil smiled. 

Even in the worst time of his life, he is still a ray of sunshine. 

I studied the glass on the floor and thought of something. 

“Maybe if I can reach a piece of sharp glass, I can cut through the rope on my hands,” I thought out loud. 

“Can you even reach it from there?” Phil asked. 

“I don’t know, let me try,” I pushed myself up the pole I was tied to and slowly got on to my feet. I reached my leg out as far as it would go (good thing I have really long legs) and tried to drag one of the glass pieces over. My leg hurt so badly as I stretched it across the floor until I thought it was literally going to break. I took a deep breath and reached as far as I could and I got a sharp piece. Phil quietly cheered as I used my foot to drag the piece over behind me. My leg hurt so badly but I ignored the pain as I kneeled back down again and grabbed the piece of glass with my hands. I desperately started sawing away at my ropes cause I was worried someone was going to come in and find us. I didn’t want Phil to get hurt again and if that happened in front of me and I couldn’t do anything about it. It would literally kill me. It would be even worse then in my dreams. 

I sawed at my ropes faster and faster and I cut at my hands a few times when I missed and I felt a sting and blood run down my fingers. I kept sawing and cutting for a few minutes until the ropes finally broke free and I sighed with relief. 

I jumped up and flew over to Phil and cut his ropes free. The moment I finished he lept into my arms and I hugged him so tight I thought I was hurting him but he just held me tighter. I started to cry as I smelled his scent and felt his hair with my fingertips. I heard him starting to sob on my shoulder. 

“I told you. I knew you’d come,” he said as he cried. I hugged him even tighter. 

This was really Phil. No dream, no alternate reality. This was really him. 

I wanted to stay like that forever but I knew we had to leave. 

“Phil we have to go,” I broke apart and he didn’t want to leave my arms at first but I held his hand tightly and put my other arm over his shoulder for support because he couldn’t walk that well. We started to make our way toward to exit but then the door flew open and a man ran in. 

His face turned angry as he realized we had escaped and I felt Phil shaking and he squeezed my hand tighter. I looked up at the man again and my face fell. His eyes had changed. They were black now. It was that kind of black that terrifies you because it’s so dark you feel like you might get lost in there. Colorless, soulless. Full of nothing. 

No. It couldn’t be. 

My heart dropped. 

But then the man suddenly screamed in pain and his eyes flashed a little before he fell to the ground in front of us. Phil yelped a little and then I saw who was behind the man. Grace held a knife in her hand that had blood on it and PJ, Chris and Tyler were standing around her. Their eyes lit up when they saw Phil and I. 

“Phil!” Chris gasped and ran over to hug him but Phil shuffled behind me and I could tell he didn’t want anyone else to touch him. Chris looked a little sad at the rejection but the look in his eyes said he understood. 

“We need to go,” Grace announced and she fled the room as we followed her. 

“Wait, Grace,” she stopped and turned around to face me. 

“What was that?” I asked. 

“You know what it was,” she responded and I felt all the color drain from my face. 

“What was it?” Tyler asked. 

Grace looked at him as if she was afraid to even say it. “A demon,” she said. 

Tyler, Chris and PJ looked terrified. “That’s not possible, they’re not real right?” 

“I didn’t think so either,” Grace explained. “But Emily is also one. That’s why she is still alive and why we can’t kill her. Cause she is already dead.”

“How could you kill that man?” PJ asked.

Grace held up a knife. “Special knife. The only one that can kill a demon. I only have this and a gun but that’s a problem cause I pretty sure there are dozens of demons in this building.”

We all shuddered and looked around half expecting something to jump out at us. 

“Now, come on we need to go,” Grace turned to leave again. 

“Grace,” I stopped her. She spun around a little annoyed. 

“What?”

“Who the hell are you?” 

She looked at the ground for a few seconds before she answered. “I’m nobody. Not anymore,” and then she turned around again and started walking. We followed her.  
The basement was the same as I remembered in my dreams and when we lived here but I still didn’t know how to get out. Luckily Grace seemed to know her way around and lead us down different corridors, pausing every few feet to check for anyone coming. The whole time I stayed in the back of the group with Phil who soon was able to walk after a while. Soon we were just holding hands as the rest of the boys were up front with Grace and we just kind of hung back. I decided to ask Phil the question I’d been dying to ask. 

“Phil?”

“Yeah?” he looked at me.

“What did Emily do to you?”

His face fell and he looked forward again. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Phil… did she-” 

“No,” he said. “It was way worse.”

I nodded understanding that he didn’t want to tell me and I just put my arm around him holding him close and promising to never let go again. “We’ll find her Phil, don’t  
worry. She will pay for what she did.”

“No Dan you don’t understand. Just like I said before; she is hurt. She cries every night and hurts herself; I can hear her in the other room. Something deep inside her is broken and we aren’t leaving until we find out what.”

“Phil she kidnapped you,” I pointed out. “She kidnapped you and tortured you, why do you want to help her?”

“Because she thinks she doesn’t have anyone. And I want to show her that she’s wrong.”

“Phil I don’t understand, how are you-” I didn’t get to finish because suddenly seven people jumped out and surrounded us; all with the same soulless black eyes. Grace ran up and tried to stab one of them but the demon pushed her back and sent her flying through the air to the other side of the room. We watched her eyes close and she fell  
unconscious. 

PJ took a swing at one of them but they ducked and sent him flying across the room and he was pinned up against the wall by nothing. He tried to break free but he couldn’t even though it looked like nothing was holding him up. The demons suddenly sent the rest of us flying and soon we were all pushed up against the wall. My hand broke free from Phil’s and I already felt terrified that he was no longer in my grasp. 

Then Emily came in. 

She wandered into the room looking so satisfied at what was before her. Her smile looked so evil and I had no idea how Phil could say that she was broken. She blinked and her eyes turned black and tears started falling down my face for no reason. This was the girl I had once loved and now I didn’t even recognize her. 

“Leave us,” she spoke to her demon friends and they all walked out of the room leaving us with her. I peered into the corner where Grace was still unconscious. She had a gun in her belt and I wished I had it and the knife was somewhere in the other corner of the room where it had flown from Grace’s hand. More tears rolled down my face and I realized there was no hope as Emily slowly walked up till her face was right by mine. 

“I told you,” she hissed. “I told you I would take everything. I promised you. You’re the reason I’m like this!” she yelled. “If you hadn’t left me I wouldn’t have died that night and I wouldn’t have become like this! Because of you I lost everything!” I flinched as she screamed in my face. 

“I’m sorry,” was the only thing I managed to say. 

She smiled. “It’s ok,” she said. “It doesn’t matter though anyway cause now I’m going to take everything from you,” she walked away from me until she was standing in front of Phil. 

“Emily no!!!” I yelled tears streaming down my face. “Emily no please you don’t understand please don’t!” I cried. 

“No don’t do it!” I heard Chris and PJ cry but Emily somehow silenced all three of them with a wave of her hand. She proceeded to pull out a gun and aim it at Phil. 

“Emily don’t please!” I couldn’t even see clearly because so many tears were flooding down my face. I just saw Phil turn toward me with tears falling down his face and he smiled. He actually smiled. He smiled as if he was just accepting his fate and wanting the last part of him I remembered to be his smile. 

“I love you Dan,” he said. I looked at his eyes that were wet and crying but still so blue and I watched his mouth form those words I had always wanted to hear. “I’ve always loved you. And I always will.” 

More tears streamed down my face and I wanted to say something but no words would come out. I cried and cried some more and we both looked back at Emily. She looked furious. 

“Fuck you,” she said to Phil. Phil gulped. She loaded the gun and aimed at his head. 

“NO!!!!” I cried one last time before I heard a gunshot. 

But it didn’t come from Emily’s gun. It came from behind her. 

I looked to the other side of the room and Emily turned that way too. 

There was Grace, standing in the center of the room with a gun aimed at herself and a bullet wound in her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm legit the worst person I'm sorry.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhhh I'm so sorry for the wait!!!!! But this is the last chapter and then I'm doing an epilogue after this and that will come soon I promise!!!  
> Also btw I started a youtube channel heheh and I would really appreciate it if you checked it out @1andonlyeddie and maybe subscribe because that would make me really happy :)

Emily dropped the gun that she was pointing at Phil. She was facing away from me so I couldn’t see her face but her entire body went limp and she froze. We all watched as Grace slowly crumpled to the ground. I suddenly was released from the wall and I fell to the ground along with the rest of my friends. I rushed over to Phil’s side and hugged him tightly but we all watched as Emily walked and then ran over to Grace. She pulled Grace’s head into her lap and we heard her start crying as she held her girlfriend’s dying body in her arms. 

“Grace, w-why?” Emily stuttered. 

Grace could barely speak but she managed to spit out a few words. 

“Cause I know that this isn’t you.”

Emily looked confused as more tears fell down her face.  
“I couldn’t let you kill someone. For that is something that you can’t undo. And I know you’ve done a lot of bad stuff but you’ve always had a chance to change. A chance to be better. But murder is something that you can’t go back on. Then you’ll be stuck on that path forever.”

The whole she said this Emily’s face was still and tears just leaked out of her eyes.

“I would rather die than see you go down that path.” 

No one said anything. We were all speechless. Emily had done so many horrible things and yet here is someone who is willing to die for her. Because they love her. 

Emily still didn’t say anything, she just held Grace’s hand and cried. “Why would you do that for me?” she asked.

“Because I love you,” Grace whispered. “And it makes me sad because you believe that no one could ever love you. That no one could ever care. But I do. You brought so much laughter into my life, you have no idea. You helped me when no one else would and above all you made me smile during the time in my life where such a thing as even smiling was the most difficult challenge every day. But you made it so much easier. You made me happy.”

The rest of us couldn’t believe our eyes or our ears. I heard Phil start to silently cry and I hugged him even tighter. We knew there was nothing we could do but watch and this was probably one of the saddest events I have ever witnessed. 

“Thank you,” Grace whispered to Emily before taking her last breath and falling back out of Emily’s arms. 

For a few moments everything was silent. And then Emily slowly reached up and shut Grace’s eyelids. And then she slowly lowered her body to the ground and stood up. 

“What have I done?” I heard her whisper. 

The rest of us just sat in silence as she stared at the ground. But then I noticed that her eyes were slowly trailing toward the gun on the floor. 

I leapt forward and tried to stop her but I was too late. She reached down and grabbed the gun and pointed it at me. 

“Emily wait please,” I said and started walking toward her. For some reason I no longer feared her. She was just a girl who lost her way and made too many decisions out of fear. She was the girl I used to love.

“Please don’t do this,” I whispered. 

She shook her head and then aimed the gun at her head. 

“I’m sorry,” she said between tears. “I’m so so sorry for everything.” 

In only a few seconds I finally understood everything. I understood why she did what she did and how much she had been suffering. She was just alone. Alone and afraid just like many other  
people in the world and she thought the only way to not be alone was to make other people alone. And I knew how it felt to be alone. 

I suddenly found myself saying the words I’d never I'd say. 

“I forgive you.”

Because I did. After everything she had done, I forgave her. And I wanted her to know that I did. Because I knew that I couldn’t stop what would happen next. 

“Thank you,” she whispered. 

And she shot herself. 

For the next hour I didn’t process what was happening around me. I knew that police and ambulances arrived and people tried to ask me questions and help me but I didn’t register any of it. All I did was hold Phil in my arms and stare at the two bodies on the ground next to each other. The last thing I remembered that night was noticing the shadow of angel wings from Grace’s back and how Emily used her last breath to reach her hand toward Grace’s body in hope she wouldn’t die alone. 

She didn’t.


	13. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did it guys, I finally finished! Here is the epilogue of this story!

One Year Later 

“Dan?” Phil yelled from the kitchen. “I burned the chicken again, come help me!”  
I sighed and shut my computer. “Not again!” I laughed and walked down the hallway into the kitchen. “That’s the third time! Now I have to go out and buy another one if we want to eat!” I tried to be mad at him but I couldn’t help but laugh.  
“You shouldn’t put me in charge of something as important as dinner!” Phil laughed with me and I kissed him on the forehead.  
“I’ll go out and get some more chicken,” I offered. “Should I pick up some ice cream too or can I trust you to bake cookies or something?”  
“You should pick up some ice cream,” Phil said without hesitation and we both laughed again. I grabbed my wallet and phone and started to head out the door.  
“Maybe while you’re out you could make one more stop?” Phil asked.  
“Sure what?”  
“Maybe….I don’t know… the.. cemetary?”  
I stopped and sighed. Phil had been trying to convince me to visit Emily’s grave since that night but I had refused to go. I’ve done everything I could to push her out of my mind but every time I looked at Phil all those memories came back.  
We were so close to death that night.  
I know I said I forgave Emily. And I did. But the next few days after that made it so hard. I got out of the hospital before Phil but I couldn’t stay with him at night but during the day all we did was hold hands in silence. We talked a little about youtube and what we were planning on doing about the whole situation because we’ve been gone from the internet for almost a week and the phandom was already freaking out. I sent out a tweet saying we were ok and we’d be back soon but I knew they were going to need more than that.  
But other than that, Phil didn’t say much at all. He just laid in my arms and I would play with his hair and kiss him on the forehead once or twice. But just to be together finally was enough for me.  
But even though Emily nearly killed him, Phil still did everything he could to convince me to go visit her grave. Cemeteries creep me out already, there was no way in hell I was going in there especially if Emily is buried there.  
“Please Dan,” Phil begged. “She died thinking that you forgave her and if you don’t go see her then she might not believe you were telling the truth.”  
“She’s dead Phil,” I told him. “She won’t know anything because she’s dead.”  
Phil sighed and kissed me on the cheek. “It’s your decision but it’s the right thing to do,” and he walked out of the room.  
I went to the store and bought us some dinner and decided to walk home instead of taking the lift. If it was dark out I wouldn’t have but the sun was setting and there was still people wandering here and there so I wasn’t too worried.  
I planned on heading back to the flat but for some reason I found myself walking down the wrong streets toward the other side of town. I tried to turn around but I always found myself walking toward the same place every time. Walking toward the cemetery.  
Soon I found myself outside the gate staring inside at all the gravestones lined up next to each other. It was weird to think about how some of these people could have died from illness, or in a car crash, or there could even be some police officers or firefighters in here who died saving someone.  
And then there is Emily.  
I walked into the center of the cemetery where Grace, Mia and Leo were buried and Emily right beside them. We couldn’t afford a new gravestone for her so we used her old one that claimed she died in 2013.  
Because it was basically true.  
And then that night we found a red handprint on Emily’s shoulder so we assumed that Grace decided to pull her out of hell because she missed her. But that plan didn’t go so well.  
I stood in front of Emily’s grave for what seemed like forever. I didn’t know what I was doing or what I was suppose to do. Was I supposed to say something? It’s not like I had anything to say. I was so tempted to leave and never come back but I knew I had to do this. For Phil. And for her.  
“I think we’ve finally settled back in,” I started. What the hell was I doing? “It took awhile; a lot longer than I thought it would but I think things are finally returning back to normal.” I paused and took a breath before continuing. “We decided not to tell our fans about what happened so we just told them we had some personal issues and they’re not pressuring us to tell or anything so that’s good.”  
After that it didn’t feel weird. It just felt like I was talking to a friend.  
“Tyler, Chris and PJ constantly text us making sure we are ok. If we disappear off the internet for more than a few hours they will freak out and they have threatened to come to our house if we don’t answer them.” I laughed at my own words. I could almost hear her laughing with me.  
I didn’t know what else to say so I decided to get straight to the point.  
“I hope you know that what you did was wrong. And you should know that I didn’t really want to come here and talk to you because I’m still hurt from that night. You caused a lot of chaos to my life and Phil’s and I hope you know how much pain you caused both of us.”  
I sighed and felt relieved of finally speaking about that after keeping it in for so long. But then I proceeded to pull something out of my pocket. It was a ring that Louise helped me pick out. It was silver with a very small diamond on it and I had chosen to engrave the date 10-19-09 inside of it just because why not?  
I showed it to Emily. “All the same, I’m glad you did it. I’m glad you did what you did. Because if you didn’t I probably would have never realized how much I really loved Phil. And I would have never told him or found out that he felt the same. I would have lived my whole life possibly without him because I was too afraid of rejection. I was too afraid to love him. And he could have died that night. We both could have. And then I could have never told him. You are part of the reason why I’m going to ask him tonight. I’m going to ask him if he wants to spend the rest of his life with someone who will love him and care about him more than anything.”  
I started crying at the thought. Spending the rest of my life with Phil. It sounded amazing.  
“So I just wanted to say thank you,” I finished. “And I forgive you. I always have. Please never forget that.”  
I took one last look at her grave and then turned and walked away.  
And I never went back. 

When I arrived back at the flat it was almost 9pm. I hadn’t realized how long it took to get home but Phil was just playing mario cart in the living room. I could tell that he was relieved to see me though.  
“Hi,” he said.  
“Hi,” I sat down on the couch and wrapped my arms around his waist. As he was finishing his race I laid my neck on his shoulder and closed my eyes and thought about what would happen if we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I imagined that we would stay on youtube and accomplish so many things that were bigger than what we had ever done before. We would come out to the fans and they would be happy and support us. We would grow old together and spend our nights cuddling on the couch and watching anime.  
It sounded amazing. All I had to do was ask him.  
I felt Phil kiss me on my head and I opened my eyes.  
“I think you fell asleep,” Phil laughed. I smiled and looked up at him and he kissed me again. “It’s too late to make the chicken; do you want to just order pizza?”  
“Sounds great,” I nodded.  
Phil got up and started walking out of the room and I decided that if it wasn’t now it might be never.  
“Phil,” I called. He stopped and turned around. I got off the couch and walked over to him and just pulled him into a hug. He didn’t say anything but he pulled me tight.  
“Thank you,” I told him.  
I could feel a smile appear on his face. “For what?” he asked.  
I pulled away. “For everything. Everything you have ever done for me and others. For saving me in the year I needed you most and being the one person that has always believed in me, accepted me and loved me when no one else did and when no one else ever would. The list of things you have ever done for me is endless but I love you and I thank you for all of them.”  
Phil smiled. I took a deep breath and pulled out the ring that was still in my back pocket. Phil’s eyes widened and he started crying as I got down on one knee.  
“Phil Lester, would you please make me the happiest man in the universe and please marry me?”  
“Yes,” Phil said nearly a half a second after I finished. “Of course it’s yes Dan, why did you have to even ask?” He started sobbing and I did too as he kissed me and then hugged me once more as if he never wanted to let me go.  
“I love you so much,” I said into his shoulder. “I always have and I always will.”  
“You promise?”  
“I promise.”  
And I never, ever break my promises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of the story guys! I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has been sticking with me this whole time and not being too pissed off when I would never update lol. Yes I'm very lazy and I always had a habit of leaving my chapters on total cliffhangers and then not updating for a month. But thank you if you managed to bare through that and kept reading this fanfic that is definetly my favorite fanfic I've ever written.  
> A few people I'd like to give a shout out to:  
> My two great friends, Nicky and Nora who always made sure I uploaded "often" and threatened to murder me if I didn't. If it wasn't for them, you guys might have gotten an update for another year.  
> To all my followers on my Instagram account, @beautifulphantasy. You guys are incredible and you make me laugh and you are so supportive so thank you.  
> And most of all to Dan and Phil of course. Thank you guys for being the best role models I could ever ask for.  
> I hope you enjoyed this fanfic, thank you for reading it!!!

**Author's Note:**

> So as this is a random idea I thought up at 3 in the morning, I don't exactly have any ideas for how it should continue so please let me know if you have any suggestions.


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